I've been wanting to write a blog post about this for a while BUT I didn't want it to come across all smug. Like ohhhh look at me I'm so perfect with this perfect life.... la de da. Because let me tell you there is nothing perfect about the cat weeing in your handbag and you only discover it during church last sunday or trying to toilet train twins or a craft room that you can hardly walk in at the moment. Nothing perfect here.
But tomorrow I'm off to Melbourne for a sponsored blog post and as I get ready for the event I think about how lucky I am with the choices I've made and the life I have. There are days where everything is going well, little people are behaving themselves and not jumping up and down wanting everything. Days where everything just seems to go right. On those days I'm really glad for the life I have. I'm really glad I left the banking world that I studied so hard for and made the decision never to go back. I was actually raised with an expectation that I would go to university, get a job, have a family and go back to work.
When I had Keira suddenly the question became not when is your baby due but when are you going back to work. I was a bit shocked because I'm thinking I've just had a baby. And I had always known I wanted to stay home and raise my family and so I'd just say that. Even when they are all off to school that is my full time job. Some people got it, some people didn't. Thankfully after the twins were born I didn't get that question anymore. I looked busy enough to be worrying about other things than going back to work.
5 years on since keira was born and I'm still loving what I'm doing. Sure there are absolutely crazy days when the office job is looking oh so much more civilised. But at the end of the day this is definitely how I want to spend my days. When I was a working girl I used to grab half an hour before my bus in the morning to knit on the couch and I used to wish that I could just knit all day and not go into the office. Unfortunately I don't get to knit all day but I do get to squeeze some craft time into my days.
And I love that I have a nice little collection of regular blog reads where they have also decided to be a stay at home mummy for life. When your own little world isn't filled with friends who love staying at home and doing their craft you can always go online to find friends who do. I love that. And I also love that these days there are ways we can make money at home while still looking after our little ones. And let me tell you I've tried a few - Avon, Tupperware, online store, selling things on ebay, markets, working for a magazine, teaching craft and now through my blog.
I guess I'm writing all of this because I also know that some of you tell me that you enjoy reading this blog because I am a stay at home mummy and have made this my full time life. And I am not ashamed to say I'm loving it and this is exactly what I want to be doing. There is so much pressure and incentive to return to work after you've had your baby that it's almost as if people just expect that you will go back to work. And for some people that is a necessity which I totally get. I've told retro daddy if high school fees x 4 are too expensive that I would return to work if I have to. No idea what I'd do or if I'd be more productive than listening to people's problems or stories in the staff kitchen.
But there you have it! I did it! I said it out loud that I do love staying at home with 4 little ones and am pretty happy to keep doing it even when society expects otherwise. And if I was to have another baby that would be totally fine too....hint hint retro daddy.
49 comments:
It's always going to be one of those divisive topics!
I always wanted to stay at home too but felt that when my youngest started school I would go back to University and do a Masters then see what happened after that. Then I fell pregnant again! Long story short, we ended up in Australia and I'm now nearly at that stage again. Unfortunately I now don't feel I can justify the time or money to do my Masters (Husband being my Prof also not such a good idea!!) and it turns out that my subject is only taught in yrs 11 and 12 so there are no specialist jobs. Hmmm.
My issue recently has been the example I'm setting my daughter. I want her to know that the world is her oyster but will she understand that with me being at home?
The other side of that is the fact that I am here to help with all the homeworks (the high school ones are getting trickier!) and take them to all their activities. The extra money would be useful, with them all insisting on eating and growing, but we just learn to cut our cloth and make do.
The important thing is to be happy with your choices and you sure are!
Enjoy Melbourne!
Sandra x
I love being a stay at home too, just yesterday I got asked when I was going back to work by the same teacher at my daughters' daycare who asks it every time she sees me (I have a 5 month old baby as well). I love that the blog world celebrates being a stay at home mum and shares more of the ups than the downs. Some parenting magazines seem full of stuff on how terrible motherhood can be (and yes it an be very trying some days) but like you I would much rather be here at home than working all day - lucky to have that choice I know. I love that your blog is positive but honest too. We are very lucky aren't we :)
I actually think you've made the more difficult choice.
Going off to the office is SO much easier than being at home with 2 little ones ... let alone FOUR!!
xx
I'm also a stay at home so I appreciate your point of view. I often feel pressure from other people about returning to work. (I was a teacher; truthfully it's much easier watching one little one, than a class full!) I def. feel that my chosen career is to be at home, but it can be hard to explain that to someone who is career focused in the professional world--by the way, there's nothing wrong with that either. I agree with Sandra about being happy with your own choices. We're all different, aren't we?
Good on you Corrie :) Its amazing how society only seems to value you if you work :( I am a stay at home working mum and I love it! Wouldn't have it any other way and I only have one 8yo. I think you are going great guns looking after 4 what a great job that is! All the best with Melbourne.
xx
Best post!
I love being a stay at home mumma too!
I've been doing it seven years now and even went so far as to home school my babies!
And you know what, my gorgeous girls are so excited to be the best mummas they can AND to home school their little ones!
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a working mum, it shows your children that there's always a way. You can be a mummy and a career woman and do them both SO WELL!
But there's also nothing wrong with staying home and raising our babies.
Life is too short and they're only little once!
I love it, LOVE IT!
Go girl! Do it and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
xxx Stacey
You are doing exacly what you wanted and that's it...case closed!
You have a beautiful family! And that baby...she is one beautiful baby with those puffy, rosy cheeks! Love you!
What a lovely post, that I hope your gorgeous kids will have a chance to read when they are older.
We made the decision for me to stay home too - I walked very happily away from a career as a solicitor (lawyer). Most people were quite incredulous that I wouldn't go back to law - but honestly, it's been the best choice for everyone. I've loved staying home - we've been blessed with two beautiful children - I would dearly love for there to have been more, but sadly, they weren't to be. And it's a cliche, but time goes SO FAST - my oldest is 10 now, and I wouldn't swap these last 10 years of being at home for anything.
I've recently set up a teeny tiny sewing business with a good buddy - and I do love that my kids can see I'm 'working' from home now, too.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this really personal issue. Cat
HI I am a stay at home 55yo grandma, I do have a casual merchandiser job 3-5 hours a week where I chose the hours and day I work.
I chose to stay home when we had our 4, having 2 16months apart was a push to not go back to work and having a husband that worked as a architect for the state government meant that I didn't have to go back. He went to theological college when our eldest 2 were 3 and 2 we had 2 more kids while he was there and churches (particularly Baptist) didn't pay very well there was thought of work. I have had warehouse jobs that gave us the much needed extra finances and the hours that fitted in with kids and school.
Now they are older and having kids of their own, I love that they can make the decision to stay at home with our grandchildren. I love that I can say yes to a 3yo wants to come for the afternoon to grandmas just because she wants to.
Just have to share this....when my children were born I too became a stay at home mom. Recently a coworker asked my daughter what her mother did....she responded, "Oh she is a stay at home mom!" The coworker quizzically said, "Aren't you the youngest in your family, and aren't you 28?" My daughter just smiled and said, "Yes!" I have never felt any regret for getting my undergraduate degree in math, or my master's degree in administration...a mom uses all the knoweledge she has! I am so happy to see you loving your family... keep it up!
After my twins were born, I was asked when I was going back to medicine to complete my degree. When I answered I wasn't because I didn't think I could leave them in childcare, the response I got was it is better for them to be in childcare than raised at home. Seriously ? Why has motherhood and parenting your own children become so devalued that people think childcare is a better option. Sure, if it is a financial necessity but no one is better for your child than you !!!
I can't wait to be a stay at home mum oh and have kids!
I think you do a great job - I can't even find time to blog and craft everyday - my hats goes off to you and I hope when my time comes I can do half the job you do
Lisa
Here, here...you know my story. I haven't regretted it one little bit. It was my big boy starting school this year that gave me the final push. I don't know why but I felt "brave" doing it...and my friends and co-workers were stunned when I walked away from a job at the big end of town that I (previously) always wanted. My husband has started saying that this year has just been one of the best - so there you go! More of it I say!
I love being a stay at home mum too. I think it's just the best job in the world, while being both the most rewarding and the most difficult. Nice post.
Love that post Corrie!
So true, I agree with everything you said.
Well not yesterday, I was dreaming of a working life then. But today is a better day!
There will always be people judging left right and centre but as long as you´re happy, that´s all that matters. ;)
Good for you, I feel the same and I know my children will be grateful for my choices even if it means they don't get to have all the stuff other kids do.
Good on you for writing this! Enjoy life, stress less :) I love my situation and I'm grateful for it.
Aren't you a WAHM (work at home mum)?? It's just semantics isn't it??? What you are doing is paid (isn't it)...all those sponsored posts???
You are right though, sometimes the whole SAHM can come across as sanctimonious and preachy (not saying you are though!!).
You're doing what's right for your family and I am sure that many of your followers are doing what's right for theirs (if they don't have the choice to stay at home or want to be 'career-minded').
Nice for you to tell your husband you're 'open' to going out to work as opposed to just working from home though as I know how much pressure it takes off my husband for me to do so :)
Love your blog, your family is adorable!
Its a real privilege to stay at home with our kids. Some days I wonder how some mums can get to work and I admire them for all they do. I'm happy to be at home for as long as I can and enjoy the opportunity :) Glad you are enjoying your time at home too as otherwise we wouldn't have Retromummy!!
I chose to be a stay at home mum even though my husband wasn't earning very much. Eventually, I took on little jobs like ironing or the odd cleaning job but I can truly say that I have never had the ambition to be anything else. So often stay at home parents are treated like lazy people but as you will know we definitely aren't. Thankyou for taking the time to stand up for what you believe in. Cherrie
Love being at home and working from there but as soon as my youngest (3 YRS soon) starts kindergarten I'll try to find work. I love working in office too and hoping to work from home as a crafter too. I know, I'm crazy but just loving working away and at home both. LOL
i totally understand.My three children are in their teens now but it feels like they need me more now. It's hard sometimes, but being there is so important.
A working from home , stay at home mum is a double working Mum! I am a mother of two beautiful daughters, age 10 and 14. I am also a full time artist, (sometimes part time, depending how the painting is going.) I kiss my girls off to school at 8am, exercise, housework, jobs done by 10am...then get in my home studio and paint through until about 2pm...more jobs etc etc, you know the spin, before putting back on my mummy hat at 4pm. I get to enjoy both worlds and I wouldnt have it any other way.
So many people warn you about how horrendous 14 year old girls can be, but we have a gorgeous, hardworking young woman who I am sure has benefited tremendously from having me always available for volunteer work at school, taxi driving her to activities and just being there for her 24/7.
Sometimes I get lonely being at home so often but this is when I make a call to another stay at home mum and organise a catch up.
A lovely life.
A working from home , stay at home mum is a double working Mum! I am a mother of two beautiful daughters, age 10 and 14. I am also a full time artist, (sometimes part time, depending how the painting is going.) I kiss my girls off to school at 8am, exercise, housework, jobs done by 10am...then get in my home studio and paint through until about 2pm...more jobs etc etc, you know the spin, before putting back on my mummy hat at 4pm. I get to enjoy both worlds and I wouldnt have it any other way.
So many people warn you about how horrendous 14 year old girls can be, but we have a gorgeous, hardworking young woman who I am sure has benefited tremendously from having me always available for volunteer work at school, taxi driving her to activities and just being there for her 24/7.
Sometimes I get lonely being at home so often but this is when I make a call to another stay at home mum and organise a catch up.
A lovely life.
Corrie I would LOVE to be a stay home Mum. Unfortunately our finances need that little extra boost that me working can give. Having said that though I only work 4 days a week, during school time and never during the holidays (yay!). Our young man is just 5 and I adore spending every minute I can with him. This way works perfectly because there is no before or after school care involved. If we do manage a second one though, I will definitely try to stay at home with them for as long as I possibly can!! Good on you for flying your flag high and proud. Successfully raising such a beautiful family . . . . heck I'd be proud too! xx
I think that sometimes people's disbelief that you won't be going back to work anytime soon is not that they don't value the job that mummas do, but that in today's economic climate, it is hard to fathom the ability to not have to go back to work for financial reasons...I think most mummas would love to be able to be a stay at home but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way.
hi there,
its funny i read your blog every single day...we are very different,im not religious,i dont have much money etc but iam a vegetarian and i love that you are too!!i have a 18 month old girl,had her when i was 41,a total surprise and i do find it very hard sometimes and lonely as all our family is overseas,i admire you very very much,dont know how you get everything done??and i love your post today as im very much feeling the pressure to go back to work,easier said then done when i cant find daycare and also have to find work,it would help us so much if i did as we are struggling but someone said to me the other day,when you are old its not the money you made that you remember,its the time you spent with your child,or something like that(,iam swedish)
anyway i think you only have one life and to be frank its nobody's business what you do as long as you and your family is happy!!!
love anna
Above all, I love that YOU love the life you are living, it is so wonderful to hear and that contentment & fulfilment makes for a happy family. Every one will have their own path obviously, but it is so nice to hear someone that is happy and glad to have made the choices they made!
good on you. i myself just cant stay home. financially and mentally. I am not cut out to be a SAHM. I am not a good housewife, I get bored easily, and I need the adult connection I get at work (which is ironic, because I'm a teacher) but i need that. ideally it would be part time, but just cant do it with a mortgage (and its not even a big one really. hubby and I are on the same salary relatively, so I dont have that option either, we couldnt live on one.
yes yes Corrie. I'm working full time again (on my own with 16 and 17 yr old) If I could do part-time it'd be perfect! Saying that, I used my time at home to retrain into a job I love - librarian - and moved back via p/t first. I really believe my 2 are the fab young adults they are because of the time I was fortunate to be able to spend with them as littlies. Its about choice and balance. We didn't have much but really you don't need much anyway!
Good for you. I stayed at home to look after my daughter until she went to school and then I worked part-time while she was at school so I was there when she came home. I loved being at home. What's a little sad is that there is no longer a stay at home community. In my mother's day it was easy to walk up the street and call in on someone who also had kids and the kids could play and the Mums could chat and drink tea or coffee. Not so any more and that's sad.
Enjoy every minute!
Oh Corrie! One of the many reasons I love you and your blog, your passion for being a Mama. It's inspirational and exactly how I feel about Mamahood. This post resonates with me so much right now, given the recent news around my role at work. It's left me seriously questioning what I want to do or should be doing.
I wish it was an easy answer for me, because if money were no object, I know exactly where I'd be. But given that it is, it's just a matter of finding the right fit for me and my family.
Such a feel good post, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Hope you have a great time in Melbourne.
Gorgeous photos too! :o) xo
Great post! Enjoy every moment because they grow up fast!!
This absolutely made my heart sing! I love when people find their niche... what they're good at... what makes them content. Sigh. Gorgeous.
I was adamant for many years before kids that I was going to be a stay-at-home mum, and I knew I would love it more than anything in the world. And then fell into a job that inspires me, makes me passionate, fills me up and makes me feel important, full of worth, and like I'm exactly where I want to be. So I do it one day a week.
The other six days I'm home with the baby, and it inspires me, makes me passionate, fills me up and makes me feel important, full of worth, and like I'm exactly where I want to be.
Hooray for balance!
We aren't cookie cutter families!! Each situation is different, with their wants & their needs!
Great post corrie...us SAHM have got to feel the love and inspire each other...coz, like you said, some days are just the pits (my boy tipped my entire bottle of morrocan shampoo onto my window sil last week and pushed his thomas trains all thru this amazing $40 shampoo slush !!).
Im a SAHM too Corrie, with 4 children. My husband works 2 jobs so i can stay at home, for us, asking my mum, his mum, or childcare didnt sit right with us....i made a sacrafice to put my career on a big pause stop, and look after these 4 children we brought into the world...and thats what im doing. I sometimes wonder about returning to work....i work at my husbands factory 1 day a week just to get the brain cogs going again. Its my 4 hrs of being a grown up adult i say. Good luck with #5...we are a big fat NO WAY here....:(
Fabulous, Corrie. I've had a similar post brewing in my head for a while now. Time to get it out. And loving those photos, especially the last. J x
It takes all kinds of mums to make up our modern society. I don't think there is any right or wrong choice - just the choice you get to make that feels about right for you. Sometimes I long to be a SAHM, but generally I'm happy with my lot. I am endlessly grateful to the SAHM's in my children's lives, though. They are thoughtful and generous and their kindness helps me create a kinda, sorta SAHM experience for my own children. That's important to this working mother!
I'm glad you have found your happy. Not smug at all. x
I LOVE being a stay-at-home Mommie!! My oldest is 22 years old and I've been at home MOST of those 22 years. Every time I tried to go to work I had to quit within a few months because I either got pregnant or our family fell apart at the seams with daily meltdowns. A lot of people don't approve of my choice, but that's their choice. We have had to pinch pennies on occassion, but that's okay because Mommie was always home when the girls got home from school, were sick, or just needed their Mommie. I wouldn't trade it in for anything in the world. I keep sane by doing my crafting thing and I love it!!! Good for you!!!
I LOVE being a stay-at-home Mommie!! My oldest is 22 years old and I've been at home MOST of those 22 years. Every time I tried to go to work I had to quit within a few months because I either got pregnant or our family fell apart at the seams with daily meltdowns. A lot of people don't approve of my choice, but that's their choice. We have had to pinch pennies on occassion, but that's okay because Mommie was always home when the girls got home from school, were sick, or just needed their Mommie. I wouldn't trade it in for anything in the world. I keep sane by doing my crafting thing and I love it!!! Good for you!!!
Not only am I not a stay-at-home Mom, I'm not a Mom at all, but I love that you ARE able to do that. I am quite sure that you work way harder than I do!!! And I enjoy reading about all your adventures with the kiddos & craftiness & cookery & such.
I feel sorry for the ones that don't get it.
I was at home most of the time my kids were little. (i taught at the school where they went part-time) I wouldn't trade it for anything. You are very lucky to be able to be home. :)
Bravo Corrie, being a Mum is the most wonderful job in the world. I have been a stay at home Mum - my youngest just turned 18 last week. I think I may go get a paid job or maybe open a little business sometime soon. It has been a privilege to have been able to be there every step of their journey so far. I believe I have taught them they are important, wonderful people. Free to be who and whatever they choose. Lucky Mum. Chrisb.
I've been home with my little family for 5yrs and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Lucky for me we have been able to afford it on one wage, although it can be a struggle at times. It would be awesome if I could earn some extra money without impending on the kids and we are working towards that happening soon.
I have been miffed by a friend who put her first child in daycare (4days/wk) at 9mths old and struggled to fall pregnant and went through IVF to have No2 and has just put that baby into 4 days/wk daycare at 9mths old too. They don't need the money, I just don't understand how you can want children so badly but then offload them for someone else to raise like that.
Corrie, i love love love this post to bits!!!! I'm always on the "i love what I do bandwagon!" some people just don't get that i actually LOVE being a stay at home mother....some ask "do you get bored" or "I bet you can't wait till they're at school" But you know what....I just say, i feel so lucky that I get to stay home, and play with my kids and not have to put them in childcare - it really is the best thing in the world....stuff society and what they think...you just answer to yourself and your family! bless you Corrie xx
Good for you! I always planned on being a SAHM too. I'm so glad that I was able to until my children both started school. But when I found myself raising them on my own I had to make some tough decisions. I ended up enrolling in uni in my 30's - for the first time ever to study to be a home ec teacher. It's been daunting & definitely a challenge. But I'll be able to teach things I'm passionate about - cooking, sewing & crafting :) I'll be able to be a stay at home mum in the school holidays. But it's been a big adjustment the past couple of years with children starting school and me starting uni - really stressful trying to balance at times. If I had the choice I'd definitely be a stay at home mum for at least a couple more years. I go to as many excursions, p&f meetings, reading groups, school chapel services etc etc as I can. But I can't be there for all of them which upsets me :(
I totally understand where you're coming from wanting to be a SAHM.
Jasmine :)
Thanks for this post. It's really made me appreciate being a stay at home mum and to enjoy it as much as you can before they get to school!
Thanks for this post. It's really made me appreciate being a stay at home mum and to enjoy it as much as you can before they get to school!
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